Mentor Path

On Being Wrong Part I: Don’t Believe Everything You Think

David Krueger MD

Derren Brown did an experiment in London on Regent Street in which he placed his wallet, with money clearly sticking out, on the sidewalk. He drew a circle with yellow chalk around the wallet – much like the crime scenes on TV. Then he walked away, leaving the wallet lying there. Hundreds of people walked past this wallet. Most saw it, many stopped to look at it, but no one would pick it up. The yellow chalk circle created a barrier – an assumption that limited people from simply picking up the wallet.

Belief systems are both powerful and enduring. Beliefs come first, expectations follow. We form our beliefs from various personal experiences with family, friends, colleagues, and culture. Then, after forming those beliefs we seek to validate, even to justify and rationalize. We then confirm the beliefs by cherry-picking data to support, and become blind to data that diverges.

Our perceptions of reality rely on the beliefs we hold of it. The brain is fundamentally a belief engine. Beliefs are the software that organizes both what we perceive, and how we process it. Beliefs cue our radar to determine what we perceive from an infinite sea of stimuli, and the patterns we deem meaningful.

From behavioral economics, we have learned that it is harder to let go of a belief if we are more heavily invested in it, and especially if we don’t have a new one to replace it. We are seduced by the sunk costs of our beliefs. (Sunk cost fallacy refers to the decision to justify spending more money when some has already been spent that can’t be recovered). When conditions clearly dictate that they should turn around, mountain climbers part way up Everest decide to continue because of how far they’ve come.

How do you form a new belief?

Changing your belief system changes the neurophysiology of your brain, making it both an art and a science to create a new story. Whether the content of the belief system is about life possibilities, money, or other personal stories, change is challenging. Many of the ways that we try to facilitate change are contrary to the way the mind and brain works.

We change, not because we seek transformation or enlightenment, but because what we’ve been doing doesn’t work. (Often dramatically doesn’t work) And we begin to look for other possibilities and options because it is lonely and unpleasant inside our own stuckness. The ability to admit that we are wrong depends on our willingness to tolerate the unpleasantness associated with being wrong. (For guys only: Remember being hopelessly lost, yet stopping for directions was not an option?) Being wrong is, first and last, an emotional experience. Our mistakes become a moment of actual alienation from our sense of self. “That wasn’t me.” The ultimate challenge: To not believe everything we think.

Our sense of self is composed of a number of beliefs, any one of which can be mistaken. We each have had ideas about ourselves – beliefs – that have evolved over time, if not collapsed abruptly. Remember when you thought you didn’t want children, or knew you would grow up to be a lawyer, or reasoned that you would be happy only if you lived in New York City?

What is your yellow chalk circle? Hint: It is any assumption that limits you.

Mentor Path

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